lol i got one :)

The seven dwarfs go to the Vatican , and because they are the seven dwarfs, they are immediately ushered in to see the Pope.

Grumpy leads the pack.

'Grumpy, my son,' says the Pope, 'What can I do for you?'

Grumpy asks, 'Excuse me your Excellency, but are there any dwarf nuns in Rome ?'

The Pope wrinkles his brow at the odd question, thinks for a moment and answers, 'No, Grumpy, there are no dwarf nuns in Rome .'

In the background, a few of the dwarfs start giggling.

Grumpy turns around and glares, silencing them.

Grumpy turns back, 'Your Worship, are there any dwarf nuns in all of Europe ?'

The Pope, puzzled now, again thinks for a moment and then answers, 'No, Grumpy, there are no dwarf nuns in Europe .

'This time, all of the other dwarfs burst into laughter.

Once again, Grumpy turns around and silences them with an angry glare.

Grumpy turns back and says, 'Mr.. Pope! Are there ANY dwarf nuns anywhere in the world?'

The Pope, really confused by the questions says, 'I'm sorry, my son, there are no dwarf nuns anywhere in the world.'

The other dwarfs collapse into a heap, rolling and laughing, pounding the floor, tears rolling down their cheeks, as they begin chanting......


'Grumpy shagged a penguin!'

'Grumpy shagged a penguin!'

Who Wants To Be A Millionaire

Who Wants To Be A Millionaire

Mick, from Dublin , appeared on 'Who Wants To Be A Millionaire' and towards the end of the program had already won 500,000 pounds.


You've done very well so far,' said, Chris Tarrant, the show's presenter , 'but for a million pounds you've only got one lifeline left - phone a friend. Everything is riding on this question......will you go for it?'


'Sure,' said Mick. 'I'll have a go!'

'Which of the following birds does NOT build its own nest?'
A: Sparrow

B: Thrush

C: Magpie

D: Cuckoo

I haven't got a clue,' said Mick, 'so I'll use me last lifeline and phone me friend Paddy back home in Dublin '.

Mick called up his mate, and told him the circumstances and repeated the question to him.


'Fookin hell, Mick!' cried Paddy. 'Dat's simple......it's a cuckoo.'

'Are you sure?'

'I'm fookin sure.' Mick hung up the phone and told Chris, 'I'll go wit Cuckoo as me answer.' 'Is that your final answer?' asked Chris 'Dat it is, Sir.'


There was a long - long pause, then the presenter screamed, 'Cuckoo is the correct answer! Mick, you've won 1 million pounds!'


The next night, Mick invited Paddy to their local pub to buy him a drink.
'Tell me, Paddy? How in Heaven's name did you know it was da Cuckoo that doesn't build it's own nest? 'Because he lives in a Fookin clock!'

urghhh...

It was the summer and me and a mate were bored. We were hanging around his house in the afternoon, waiting for his mum to come home from work so we could get some money and go and grab some movies or otherwise waste our idle time. Somehow the conversation turned to me betting my mate that he would'nt shit out of his bedroom window.(facing the road outside) Well, my mate, never been one to turn down a dare, prepaired himself with a bucket incase he pissed at the same time when straining. i went downstairs and opened the door, stood in the drive and gazed towards his room. He was hanging his arse out the window, as the plummeting shit would have to clear a bit of a ledge, also the thought of shit smeared down his front room windows was simply too horrible. Now he's there for about a minute, forcing one out, as he doesnt really need to go, making sure to hold the bucket in place at the same time so as not the get piss all over his room. the fucker only went and did it, it was a classic comic dog shit shape, with a point on top. to top it off his neibour (grumpy twunt) happened to come out of his house, just and said incident took place. we scrambled inside. That shit was never cleared up, just left in the front gardern. not nice at all, but fucking funny.